The real effects but pseudo control of overanalyzing

The alternative title of this post was going to be: When you're too self-aware, but I felt like that was actually self-incriminating; being self-aware of your thoughts, feelings, and actions should not be viewed as a flaw. However, I feel like hyper self-awareness crosses into the realm of overanalyzing, which most everyone has probably experienced at some point in their life... though, some of those with anxiety (like myself) overanalyze upwards of everyday.

What is overanalyzing, and how can you recognize if you're overanalyzing?

"Overanalyzing is when you meticulously pick apart every little intention and motive behind an action until your reasoning behind the action is justified."

Maybe you think if you examine every single possible outcome of a situation before proceeding, you'll be fully prepared for any way the future unfolds. Or, maybe you had an argument with someone and for the next week you keep replaying what was said so you can reassure yourself that everything is okay now, and that nothing else happened or was said that you missed. You think of their facial expressions, the words that were said while things were heated, and you think of everything you could've done differently. Maybe someone texted you and you think they sounded "off", so you start thinking if you did anything wrong to reassure yourself they're not actually upset at you. Your "intuition" is telling you something is off, but you can't verbalize what, so you start researching through your memories to piece together some story to confirm your reasoning.

All of those examples can seem harmless or practical, but they are destructive overanalyzing behaviors, and people who overanalyze are seeking reassurance about the past, confirmation for the future, or temporary anxiety relief through distracting yourself with performing redundant, looping mental tasks. These rituals of overanalyzing - to the point of obsession - do not infact protect you. Mentally rehearsing for every single outcome of a situation will never fully prepare you for its possibilities, and you now face decision paralysis (i.e., the inability to make a decision as you are too worried about every single outcome). If you had an argument with someone and you both made up, getting reassurance five more times that everything is good now does not help the argument disappear, it will most likely have the opposite effect as you are indirectly keeping the argument's moment alive. When you ruminate over the past, you're not only just keeping this bad memory at the forefront of your mind at all times, but the likelihood of creating false memories and exacerbating the actual event increases as well.

I will easily admit I am a big overanalyzer. I pick apart my interactions with people to the point where it's often difficult to stay present. I analyze how I'm feeling, what was said, their tone and facial expressions, did something feel "off", how did this interaction compare to our previous interactions, etc. I also fear making decisions sometimes because I'm too worried how it could play out or affect someone else, even to the point of struggling to pick a place to have dinner because I want to make sure I weigh all my options, and that everyone would enjoy it (even though I have zero control over other people's feelings). I fear making the wrong decision, so I overcompensate by trying to have a false sense of control over the future outcomes. I used to think this level of "reading people" and "just weighing my options" was beneficial to me. I thought that the more I overanalyzed, the more control I had with a relationship, and most importantly, the more control I had over the future. Of course, the key to coming to terms with the harmfulness of overanalyzing is not only acknowledging but accepting that you will never have 100% control of your entire future. Additionally, you will never have control of someone else's thoughts, feelings, or behaviors towards you. Sure, you can influence them to a degree, but spending your energy attempting to influence someone to feel or act a certain way is their decision and not yours.

I think the most important part of the quote above that defines overanalyzing is that it highlights you are subconsciously trying to prove that your own reasoning behind someone else's action is correct. You have your own thought and emotional processes, experiences, and predispositions that shape your reasonings, which is normal and natural. However, there are ways to recognize when you are using your actual intuition to process something versus overanalyzing, which is fueled by anxiety and distorted thinking patterns. In Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), my therapist and I did an activity where he listened to me explain how I viewed someone/a situation that caused me to feel anxious, or that I was overanalyzing in different ways, then told me to look at the fifteen types of distorted thinking patterns and identify if I fell into any of them. Taking a step back and assessing if I was thinking under a cognitive distortion pretense was extremely beneficial for my mental health. This doesn't mean you can never think anything is wrong, or that you can't trust your own thoughts, but you can give yourself more peace of mind and clarity when you can identify the actual severity of the situation.

I have thought under every style of distorted thinking at some point, but most of the time I fall under the Filtering, Polarized Thinking, Mind Reading, Emotional Reading, and Catastrophizing thinking patterns. Sometimes I feel like I can never tell when I am thinking clearly or not, but there are many ways to challenge distorted thinking styles, such as healthily framing thoughts, keeping a CBT-type journal to record interactions between our thoughts, the facts, and our feelings, and practicing mindfulness/staying present and self-compassion through activities like breathwork, your favorite hobby, or talking to yourself like you would a loved one. It's so much easier said than done to just say "try to stay in the moment", but it's good advice and thankfully, there are a plethora of ways to work towards becoming more present. Next time you find yourself ruminating or questioning your intuition, see if you can identify yourself thinking under a cognitive distortion pattern.